Cross White

Cross White

Many people rush headlong into divorce.  They know simply they’ve reached this decision.  Or, maybe they are the spouse left behind and know only they have to respond.  Out they jump, only to be splattered with one surprise after another.  They flounder and respond instinctively.

Under these conditions is it really any surprise that decisions get made that are not in a person’s best interest, a time when bridges can be burned unintentionally or indiscriminately?

Surprise or not, certain bridges need to be maintained and kept from harms way in a divorce proceeding because it is in everyone's best interests to do so.

What exactly are “divorce bridges?” 

Well, in a nut shell, divorce bridges are anything that facilitate communication traffic or provide support or sustain momentum within the divorce process.  Without them breakdowns can easily occur and unnecessary complications arise.

Some examples of divorce bridges:

 1.  Relationships:  ex-spouse; children; family; friends; attorney; financial adviser; doctor; counselor; etc.

 2.  Finances:  income; day to day living expenses; attorney fees; insurance; debt servicing, etc.

 3.  Living arrangements:  location; transportation; furniture and appliances; etc.

 4.  Emotions:  empathy; sensitivity; control; etc.   

 5.  Knowledge and Expectations:  subject matter; goals and outcomes; etc.  

These bridges work together, and alone, and their existence allows the focus to stay on the divorce itself, as provided for by state law and individual circumstances, rather than the parties devolving into counter-productive behavior.

What kind of behavior has the potential to burn important divorce bridges?

 *  mistreating and disrespecting your soon to be ex-spouse; it’s both a red scarf in front of a bull, as well as a lighted match

*  racing forward without putting aside money for bills, living expenses, and attorney fees, on both sides

*  failing to to properly take the children into account and preparing them so they can transition in a healthy way, and without "spin

*  inappropriate decisions that come from not understanding the in's and out's of divorce and holding unrealistic expectations as a result

*  leaving your attorney to decide direction and details without input from you

*  neglect of support systems

The list is not all inclusive.  but, it should give you an idea, though, of the kinds of actions that you don't want to let happen, or get out of hand.

Divorce is considered one of the most painful experiences a person can go through; it scars even the strongest of hearts, no matter which side of the issue you are on.  Don’t make the experience any harder on yourself by using scorch and burn tactics; you never know when you may need a bridge.  Resist lighting the match.  Indeed, have your fire extinguisher handy just in case your lawyer or someone else tries to reach around you with one.  Your diligence could lead to a speedier outcome, lower costs, and reduced hostility all the way around.

About the Author:

An author, and divorce survivor herself, Deb's web site Divorce Daily Dollops explores current best practices for dealing with divorce and the painful emotions that arise day to day. Also available, a wide selection of highly recommended books on divorce, feeling better, helping children cope, etc, for quick and easy ordering.

Looking for a quick tip for gaining control of your emotions? One method is "self talk" - a useful tool that you can begin utilizing right away.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Cross Your Divorce Bridges First, Burn Second